Don’t scroll unless you’re ok seeing my boobs, body and several kink heavy photos! You’ve been warned!!
It’s amazing being back in front of the camera after a four month hiatus from professional shoots. My mental health has been a little all over the place and I forgot how much I love the release I get from modelling. It’s so emotionally satisfying to be able to take the mask off for a little while and show the gritty, intense emotions that I spend a lot of my life hiding. Although I doubt you could call these photos “sexy” (unless, like me, you enjoy the primal kink), they are powerful. I was able to show such a range of emotions and expressions, while also getting covered in streaked make-up and clay. So let’s get chatting about the shoot!
I’d answered a casting call on PurplePort that was asking for a model who would be comfortable doing a gritty, powerful nude shoot. That casting was exactly the style I wanted to shoot, so I was so hyped when the photographer got in touch with me. We chatted ideas for a few days and I threw together a mood board with ideas. We wanted something really intense, so I could release all of those emotions, while also being really honest and a little kinky. I sent a photo I found online of a woman covered in oil and mud which really struck me as a fun idea. After agreeing to that style, we pencilled in a date for the shoot and I booked my train ticket to Dundee.
On Tuesday morning everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Two buses in a row didn’t turn up and there wasn’t a taxi free until after my train was due to leave. Thankfully my Dad was free and picked me up so I didn’t miss my train… although I did miss breakfast (yeah I know, I’m a terrible example to all humans). I got to Dundee and grabbed a quick cup of tea before heading to the studio.
Just a quick side note for you aspiring models: ALWAYS check the references of any photographers you haven’t worked with before. Ask around with models they’ve worked with and above all else make sure at least one person knows where you are. In this case my parents knew where I was going and my best friend knew the times and address of the studio. If I didn’t get in touch with them after my shoot, they would call to check on me. Also, you are always welcome to bring a chaperone to a shoot, be it a new photographer or not. If a photographer has an issue with you bringing a chaperone with you I would consider that a HUGE red flag. You’re not insulting a photographer by asking for references or by bringing someone so you feel comfortable. Safety is paramount, so don’t take it lightly.
Now we’ve covered that, lets start chatting about how I got covered from head to toe in streaked makeup and clay! After a quick blether and a look around the studio, which was full to bursting with potential props and concepts, we got started. I’m not particularly shy about getting naked. The guy in my life once laughed at me for how easily and quickly my clothes fall off of me. Oddly, being naked and photographed that way doesn’t really upset or trigger my body dysmorphia, but wearing lingerie or clothes often does. Brains are weird places.
Anyhoo, we started with some very basic portraiture work. He was very chilled and predominantly just let me pose freely with little to no instruction. That’s always a good way to get started with a new photographer because they need to see how you move and emote while in front of the camera. It was excellent. We worked really well together and he followed my movements and poses fluidly, with one or two occasional instructions when an idea hit. I know I show a lot of emotion in my eyes (one of the reasons I struggle with eye contact) so it was great to show a lot of the things I was feeling at the time. I’ve been battling some crippling level depression and anxiety, which has left me completely exhausted, vulnerable and feeling emotionally battered. It was good to have an outlet for some of those emotions in this shoot.
After that first section we started looking through his props. We both zeroed in on the collars and rubber wrap. I had planned on this shoot being very powerful, so those props combined with how I was feeling internally seemed perfect. First we used the rubber wrap, which I held around my throat, just enough to have it flush against my throat, while holding it with both hands so it looked like I was choking myself. The images from that section alone are crazy levels of powerful… they should almost come with a trigger warning if I’m honest about it. I wanted to convey a feeling of strength, but also a feeling of primal fear.
When we finished with the rubber wrap, we moved onto a mental “collar” that he’d made himself. It was flexible and so could be closed and opened to my comfort. We kept it quite loose, so I could manipulate it while I posed. By this point I had properly smudged my makeup down my face, making me look like I’d been sobbing my heart out. It made the photos so intense looking! I had wanted to cry during the shoot, but I can’t always cry on demand, even when I’m in a depressive period, so the smudged makeup filled in the gap between what I could do in the moment and what I wanted to do for the shoot.
The final prop we used with a leather collar and leash. I must admit, that section of the shoot was probably my least favourite. The photos aren’t as strong and feel a little repetitive after the metal collar. We still managed to get a few really good shots with the leather collar on, mostly of me kneeling, crouching down or playing with my hair.
Then we got messy! The plan was to use a mix of clay, water, oil and dirt, but the clay itself ended up being more than enough. I can’t stress enough how much I hate being sticky, but I am very happy being muddy or dirty! I wanted to try and keep it out of my hair if possible, so I tied it out the way (mostly) and started covering myself in wet clay. Although these photos came out really intense and I look quite teary or emotional in them, I was actually having a great time! I was in a paddling pool, covered in clay and water while chatting away and laughing with the photographer. Honestly, it was a proper laugh and I think it helped calm my mind, which is fairly chaotic lately.
That was a wrap! I got a quick shower and went off to meet my friend Kai for lunch and a few wines. The shoot was amazing and the photos have completely blown me away. It also showed me how far I’ve come with my body dysmorphia. Looking through the photos I wasn’t as upset by seeing photos of my stomach on show as I normally get. It took me looking a few times, but I could find something great about each chosen photo that I loved, regardless of a few tummy rolls that would have sent me into a panic a year ago. So that’s definitely progress.
You can find the full set of these photos, broken into four sections on my spicy pages… and my OnlyFans is currently 15% off throughout July! So got have a look and get yourself signed up 😉
www.onlyfans.com/curiouskittypremium
Kitty xxx
Love your art .. you are a stunning canvas.
Thank you! That’s very appreciated!