Amsterdam- Day 3… The Learning Begins!

I’m sorry these blogs had to take a back seat. I’ve not been in the headspace to write and I’m going through it a bit just now. So please enjoy Day 3, and keep an eye out for the rest as I get them completed and published. Thank you for your patience everyone xx

This may be the day I’d been looking forward to the most. Maybe it’s the nerdy librarian in me, but Day 3 was the first of two full days of workshops, networking, active learning and copious amounts of note taking. Welcome to the start of the XBiz conference proper! I’m not going to lie, this was the day that I was most overwhelmed. I was seriously anxious, and between the heat and another bad nights sleep I was feeling very insecure in my body. The heat made me feel very bloated, my makeup refused to stay in place and my hair wouldn’t cooperate, so I was already feeling like I was starting on a back foot. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of that was in my head and it was a mix of dysmorphia and general anxiety for the day ahead, but it wasn’t the easiest way to get started. I may not have started with the strongest headspace, but the day was certainly an interesting one and I used it very much to my advantage! So lets get started.

We got up at about 7am, both Kai and I were tired and a little groggy from the heat of the night before. Honestly, I would have killed for air con! This girl is far too Scottish, pale and red haired for that nonsense. We showered and got ready, then headed down to meet Raven and River for breakfast. Given I didn’t know what we were going to do for lunch, I decided to really load up on breakfast. The breakfasts at the hotel was delicious and plentiful, and I managed to rack up over a third of my needed protein for the day by the time we were finished (I did say I was trying to stick to my diet plan). After breakfast we chatted about what different workshops we wanted to do that day. There was a fair bit of overlap in interesting talks, so we decided to divide and conquer by splitting up the overlapping events between us. I’m a frantic note taker and Kai had grabbed a couple of extra notebooks from the hotel reception so we could compare notes later.

With that we left for the hotel and the first workshops that started at 10am. It was busy, but not as busy as you might expect. A lot of people who had been at the Buds and Booze Cruise the night before weren’t there yet, for obvious reasons, so that made me feel a little more settled. My first workshop was the Boot Camp: Model Welcome Reception. I’m not going to lie, I immediately wished I had went to one of the other workshops at that time. It was just a basic guide of the things that were going to be on during the days ahead, more than any actual advice or guidance. It was nice to hear Julie Bonga of BongaCams talk though. They seemed like an interesting and approachable person, which was nice to have at the start of the day. The talk only lasted about fifteen minutes, so I was able to move along upstairs so I could get to the Speed Networking nice and early.

Speed Networking was something else! I was about half an hour early and it was already very busy with people getting their seats. With so many bodies in the room it was once again, ridiculously hot, so I made sure to refill my water bottle while I still had a chance. River and Raven also joined me, and we all got seats. We were provided with notepads so we could take details, and I opened my All My Links app on the QR code to make life a little easier. Eleven o’clock hit and we got started! When I say it was wildly overwhelming, that would be the understatement of the century. Everyone was shouting over the table at each other to be heard and we were all panicked for time, so I wouldn’t say it was the most effective way of making working connections in that moment. It was also a solid mix of different people, which was both good and bad. For example, it wasn’t particularly relevant to me (currently at any rate) to meet someone who was designing a bitcoin option for clip websites, and I wasn’t a particularly relevant contact for them either. It might have been nice to have a speed networking specifically for agencies, models and production companies. On the other hand, it did mean that for the rest of the conference I knew a lot more names and faces than I had previously and I had a lot of contact details to muddle through when I got home. So overall I’d say it was an overwhelming mixed bag experience.

I tapped out about fifteen minutes before the end of Speed Networking. I was at the point where it was just too much noise, yelling over tables and heat for my brain to function, so I decided to go back downstairs and sit outside for a while. After a swift recharge in fresh air I went back in to explore the agencies and booths area. Honestly, I kinda wish I had left it till later because it was PACKED OUT! You couldn’t move for people because Bonga Cams were running their lunchtime raffle and everyone was sandwiched in to hear the results. Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of merch, but talking to anyone at any of the stands was completely impossible and I quickly realised I was far too overstimulated to be in that room.

I went outside again and managed to catch Raven and River who had just come down. We waited until Kai joined us and then decided on lunch arrangements. River and Raven were pretty burnt out and wanted to head back to the hotel for some food, but Kai and I wanted to stick around a little longer. I had gone pretty quiet at that point. Honestly, people forget how much of an introvert I actually am because I come over as very pro-social, but I need alone time frequently and I was starting to run out of people battery. Thank god Kai knows that about me, because it saves the awkward conversation of “hi! I’m Kitty and I have no more fucks to give!” So we went upstairs and got lunch in the dining area. Nothing major, just a couple of rolls, fruit juice and a much needed refill of my water bottle. Then Kai and I went off to catch another couple of workshops.

The first workshop was “Camming Creators”, a workshop on how to make the most out of your cam shows and platform. As someone who is an infrequent cam model at best, I was looking forward to some much needed tips and tricks from some of the top models in the business. Like everywhere else, the conference room was roasting, so we tried to sit on the edge at the back so we weren’t in the middle of it all, despite my urge to take my usual post as the good girl notetaker at the front. I’m not going to lie, if it wasn’t for my copious amount of notes, I don’t think I’d be able to remember much about the afternoon workshops. I was fried and probably should have taken a longer break before getting back to it, but I didn’t want to miss any opportunities to learn.

Anyway, the first real panel question involved whither a camming schedule is actually something that is required. From my own experience, a schedule stresses me out. It meant that nights where I had no sexual mojo I felt obliged to fake it, which is something I hate having to do. Sex work for me is something that should always be fun, not something that feels forced. Forced horniness looks fake, and the audience can tell. So it was super comforting to hear almost all of the model panel say that they prefer a flexible schedule, because faking it feels false to them to. Putting pressure on yourself to perform makes everything harder, whereas doing it when you’re in the mood creates the best show. To combat not having a fixed schedule, most recommended using their social media to advertise when they would be camming, on a day to day basis. Being regular when possible is great, but not at the cost of your love of the job or your mental wellbeing.

The next topic was about finding your niche. Finding the thing that you are known for, be it a specific toy or kink/fetish you cater for, or an aspect of your personality that brings people in. Your niche can be the most important thing you utilise for your business. Some of the models said things like squirting or femdom was their niche, while another spoke about being nerdy brought in a lot of her business. I kinda loved that. I love the idea that our personalities can be the winning force that brings people in. It made me consider my own niche and what people know me for, especially since what I do is so broad. I’m a Mummy Domme, so there is that, but I’m also a sweet, geeky submissive. I do cosplay content and loads of kink content… so where does my niche fall? I think it’ll take some thinking to figure that one out. They also covered set-up, background, decoration. All that good stuff. I have a spare room I cam out of, but I’m terrible for just using my bedroom instead because it’s more comfortable… maybe I should remedy that.

The two most interesting topics were how to handle slow days and boundaries. Slow days on cam are a pain in the bum. You try and stick it out, but its quiet, no one is spending and everyone wants a freebie. At that point I find it so hard to stay motivated to be bubbly and seductive. The advice they gave was really good though, and included things like flash sales for an hour during a slow day or (if you don’t want to go down the sale route) keeping yourself busy on cam with a hobby or working out. The more active you are, the more active your brain will stay and the higher the chance on your day turning around. Now in terms of the boundaries discussion, it was gratifying to hear so many successful cam models saying something that I wax lyrical to anyone who will listen: our boundaries are not negotiable. The amount of people that believe sex workers will do anything for the right price is astounding. Our boundaries are not something that can be negotiated away, and if we say no, it always means no. The rest of the panel was mostly advertising, hardware and show recording for clips, all which is a little dry for a blogpost. Needless to say though, I’d like to upgrade my camera and ring lights in the near future.

We stayed for the next talk, which was the “Content Creators Panel” with the lovely Evie Rees was on the panel. I’m a big fan of Evie and her aesthetic! She’s adorable, clever, kinky and has the sort of geeky sex-positive vibe that I love in a human, so it was brilliant to get to hear her speak about her work as a content creator. The first question for the panel was video pricing. This is something I have struggled with previously, particularly with custom videos. There is a huge range of different price points on content across all platforms, from free all the way up to hundreds of pounds (findom content at that price normally), so sometimes it can be hard to figure out. For customs though, my price point was similar to what the panel recommended: a fixed price per minute, then additional charges on top for things like costumes, specific toys, anal play, outdoor… you get the idea. Exclusivity for customs was a good one that I will now be adding to my content menu, as it seems I’ve been missing out on that one. It’s about knowing your worth, the worth of your time and the worth of your effort, which will always make it individual. You can use custom requests for inspiration to! If someone sends you an amazing idea, you can always adapt it and create another video that is similar for general release, basically killing two birds with one stone. This panel also made a big point of talking about finding your niche. Evie brought up a time that they had posted a Star Wars cake on their reddit account, and suddenly they had a whole host of new subscribers on their pages talking nerdy! So being authentic about your interests, showing you are a multifaceted person and pushing who you are as much as how good you look naked is a winning combination.

The main point I took from this panel was something I found quite reassuring: that at the end of the day, our mental and physical health has to come first. Listening to award winners, nominees and people earning an insane amount per month on their content discussing how they have battled burn out, imposter syndrome and basically all the things I deal with all the time. Concerns about body image, working stupid hours per week and being that person who is to scared to delegate are all things that even the pros deal with, and that was so comforting. I always panic that I need to get over those things to really excel in the industry, but maybe it’s less getting over those things and more pushing through the doubts. Despite being completely and utterly burned out at this point, I found that panel to be the most helpful of the day. I left feeling like I’d learned a lot, while also knowing that my own feelings of doubt in myself were shared and normal.

It was at that point that I really was done. Kai and I headed back to the hotel, where I grabbed my ipad, my noise cancelling headphones, put on my trainers and went to find a coffee shop with a comfy sofa and free wifi. I’m not going to lie, the wave of relief the moment I started walking around Amsterdam, blasting music in my ears was almost orgasmic. My energy levels were starting to revive. I find a lot of peace in my own space, even while walking around a busy city. Solitude is important for my headspace, if I haven’t made that abundantly clear in this blog by now!

I found an adorable coffee shop, about half an hour walk from my hotel. The best part about it? They had their own cat! A coffee shop cat! He was adorable, and settled on one of the last available seats. According to the staff they never move him, even if someone needs a seat. It’s his coffee shop and his little space. I do love seeing cats getting ahead in life hehe. So I settled down with a cup of earl grey and finished the Amsterdam Day 1 blog while clapping the happily snoozing coffee cat.

After a few hours the coffee shop was ready to close, so I moved over to a cute little pub that overlooked one of the main canals for a glass of wine while I published Day 1 of my Amsterdam trip and started writing up Day 2. Kai, River and Raven had messaged about going for dinner, and they’d booked a table for us at the Hard Rock Cafe for half seven, so I had a nice chilled hour to slowly sip my wine, write and listen to my music by the water. Not going to lie, I felt pretty booshie blogging like that… which is probably says a lot about how I blog normally (in a coffee shop with tea and cake or in my pjs with tea and a cat on my lap).

I met everyone at the Hard Rock Cafe and we were quickly seated at our table, after a quick photo moment of River, Raven and Kai taking turns in the big chair. The food was amazing! I hadn’t really eaten enough throughout the day, so I went a little nuts on a bbq rib, chicken and pulled pork platter in an attempt to smash my calorie and protein goals. Spoiler, they were thoroughly smashed! Honestly the food was just… wow! It was so nice to chill with Raven, River and Kai, without having to be in full work mode. Chatting about life, enjoying good food and just being in each others company. We had decided to skip the Red Light Party, for similar reasons as the Buds and Booze cruise the night before. Honestly, I’m not a party person or a club person given the option and so dinner with my friends was a much better option.

Then we went back to the hotel and turned in for the night. An early-ish night was very much in order since the next day was full of conference workshops and then The XBiz Europa Awards!