Yup, it’s another one of these posts! Today we’re going to talk about ten small actions/words/behaviours during sex or foreplay that I find a huge turn on. These are all SMALL things. There won’t be a random statement like “oral sex is a turn on”, so don’t expect that. I’m specifically talking about the little tiny things that can take you from 0-100 in an instant. The things that make your knees weak and your breath catch. The things without which sex would probably suck! This is just my personal list and I recommend that you make your own. Knowing yourself is just as much a vital part of creating an amazing sex life as knowing your partner, and being able to communicate these things is so important. Consider it a self-love exercise to think about the things small things that turn you on. It might actually surprise you what you find out about yourself!
So, in no particular order, here are ten small behaviours/actions/words that really turn me on!
1. Laughter/Teasing
Are you even having good sex if you can’t tease each other or make each other laugh? Sometimes gently teasing your partner or being teased by your partner, and having moments of genuine laughter can heighten your closeness and humanise sex. I think we spend far too much time trying to make sex like porn or like a movie. Inserting a little humanity into sex is a huge turn on for me, and I love seeing my partner smile or laugh. It feels good to be real and natural with someone. For me that often comes with ribbing each other, rolling around in bed, playfighting and trying to pin each other.
Sex should be fun, and I think laughter is one of the best things in the bedroom.
2. Pet Names or Honorifics
For me, pet names and honorifics are very intimate. I hate when random people try and get me to call them “Daddy” or turn around and call me “Mistress” without asking if that’s something I’m ok with. I also hate when strangers on the internet call me things like “babygirl” or “kitten” when they have no right to do so. Even things like “babe” or “baby” annoy me when random people call me that.*
But between me and a partner who I trust and love? Yes please! I call the guy in my life Daddy, and it turns me on no end knowing how much he loves it when I submit to him like that. When he calls me “babygirl” or “my girl” I go all to pieces… especially when he growls it into my ear.
And when I’m in Domme mode with a submissive, I adore being called Mummy or Ma’am. It’s such a turn on to be gifted with that title by someone who trusts me enough to want to be submissive to me. As a general rule, I let my submissives choose a pet name they are comfortable with in my personal life, but for general Domme work it tends to be “Puppy” unless something else is requested. Regardless I love titles, pet names and terms of endearment in dynamics.
* for the record I have no issues with terms of endearment like sweetie, darling, lovely etc. outside of dynamics
3. Hand Holding
This is a new one for me, mostly because I only noticed how much I love it recently!
You know when you’re in the middle of foreplay or sex and you just find each other’s hand and link fingers while you’re pleasuring each other? I fucking LOVE that! It’s something the guy in my life does, and only recently did I realise that I actually associate that little action with him. It’s very intimate and makes me feel very close to a partner.
4. Skin on Skin Contact
No I’m not talking about just being naked together (although yes, that’s fucking awesome!). I’m talking about when you both still have the lions share of your clothes on and a hand reaches under a t-shirt, or up a skirt and touches your skin. Just that touch, that tells you they want to touch your bare skin… Ahh! That sets me on fire! Especially if it’s done as a teasing little taste of promises to come later. It heightens anticipation and I love that!
5. Growling and Moaning
BE NOISY! There is nothing hotter than hearing my lover growling and moaning in pleasure as I drive them wild. Maybe it’s just because I’m very much a giver, but no matter what role I am in I want to hear you making the sort of animal noises that can only mean I’m making you crazy.
Growling especially does things to me. When I hear that deep, animalistic growl of intense pleasure it just ruins me!
6. Statements of Belonging
Now let’s make one things quite clear: I don’t like to feel like I am beholden to my partners. I like to feel like we both choose to care for one another, but not that we are the property of each other.
With that disclaimer out of the way, I do LOVE statements that make me feel like I am part of someone’s life and heart. It’s not ownership, although I do have a bit of a kink for that, so much as a statement of belonging and safety in the arms of a person you have feeling for. The edition of the word “My” in front of any terms of endearment or pet names makes me feel so wanted that it just intensifies intimacy for me no end.
“Cum for me” is nice, but “Cum for me MY good girl” just hits differently.
7. Eye Contact
This is a strange one for me, because I actually really struggle with eye contact when I first start to see someone. If it’s professional or I’m in Domme mode it’s not as much of a problem, because I’m in the headspace of a persona, but in actual relationships it takes me a while to be comfortable to keep eye contact.
There are a couple of reasons for that. One is that I’m crazy levels of empathic and I pick up a lot of emotion from eye contact, which drains me. Basically it’s sensory overload. The other reason is a trust problem. I feel like when someone is looking right in my eyes, they are seeing all of me, and that terrifies me.
So if I get to the stage where I feel safe and comfortable to actually maintain eye contact with someone in my personal life, then that’s a fairly big deal for me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, trust is my biggest kink. There is something so intimate and deeply personal about holding eye contact with your lover while you are together, and once I get to that stage, it really does a lot for me.
8. A Firm Grip
Very few things take me from 0-100 quicker than a firm, confident grip. When the guy in my life takes hold of me, moves me, or manipulates my body with confident certainty and a firm grip I turn into a submissive puddle! Now when I say firm, I don’t mean rough or hard (although that has its place and charms too), I am specifically talking about the firm certainty of action and intent that you can feel through the confidence of touch.
Oh, and if that touch is used to put me in my place when I’m bratty, all the better!
9. Biting/Marking
Biting, scratching and being left with marks is hot! What else is there to explain really?
10. Slow Teasing Touches
You know when you’re being really slow and sensual with your partner and they run the very tips of their fingers slowly up your spine or over your hips? Or better yet, they use their tongue and very lightly touch over the parts of you that they know are hyper-sensitive. It’s the sort of thing that is both pure genius and completely evil. It makes me all squirmy, sensitive and ticklish.
Light touches are underused, but I love them in the right moment. Sensual meets tormenting. Can you get much better?
So there you go! There’s ten little things that can turn me into a puddle of happy girl goo. Now go make your own list! The things that jump into your head might well surprise you.
Love and hugs
Kitty xxx