It’s Day 4 of my Amsterdam trip! Welcome to the last day of the XBiz Conference and most importantly The XBiz Europa Awards!! I’ve decided to break this day into two blogs because it was a very long day at the conference, and then we had the Awards at night, so I think it makes more sense to split this one.
It was the day that we had really travelled to Amsterdam for, and I woke up in a much better mood than I had the morning before. The weather had taken a slight turn for the cooler (if 28c can be considered cool by Scottish girl standard) and I had slept better than I had the whole trip. After a quick shower and some random, but consensual, objectification from Kai we headed down to another big breakfast. I could get used to breakfasts like that. Eating like a hobbit in the morning isn’t something I’m overly used to, but it definitely provides loads of energy! Kai, River, Raven and I once again decided to divide and conquer the workshops through the day, then head back to the hotel early to get ready for the Awards in the evening.
Now our first workshop that morning, I can’t actually remember the title of and I didn’t take any notes. The reason I didn’t take notes wasn’t because it was bad, but because it was the best workshop of the whole conference (in my humble opinion)! If you read the previous blogs you’ll remember I mentioned the lovely Mitch Schif and Ryan James from the registration, and the amazing workshop they would be running? Well that’s the one I am talking about. The first big difference was that when we came in Mitch asked us to pull our chairs into a circle instead of being in rows. He wanted an open dialogue style discussion as opposed to a lecture and honestly I live for that! We started with the standard everyone awkwardly introducing ourselves, which Kai did his whole “Hi, I’m Kai. He/They, Cis for pay, kinda gay” bit, which is just pure gold! Unfortunately I’m no where near that witty first thing in the morning, and I realised that I didn’t really know how to introduce myself in the industry. I guess I’m a mismatch of model, content creator, educator, writer, jack of all trades, ADHD brained maniac? I’ll sort that personal tagline out later.
Anyhoo, this workshop was all about our thoughts on inclusivity, what the upcoming Grabbys could do to make their event as accessible and fun as possible and also everyone’s thoughts on how events like the Xbiz and the Grabbys are run. Most people started with complaints on how busy the registration was and the lack of air conditioning in the hotel, but that passed quickly. The topic turned to inclusivity and the style of activities offered at these sort of events. I was really interested in that particular conversation, as were a lot of people in the workshop. One of my main points was that all of the social style activities available in the evenings were heavy on drinking and clubbing. The sex industry is in the middle of a huge culture shift, where we are trying to stamp out the image of alcohol and drug fuelled parties, pushy directors and victimised stars. The industry has its issues but its simply not what society assumes it is. Now don’t get me wrong, I love to dance, or go to a good gig, but for me, clubbing and getting drunk surrounded by constant thumping club music isn’t my idea of a good time. If we want to change how the industry is seen we need to change how we primarily socialise. Never mind that there are a lot of people in the industry who are t-total, so those sort of events don’t work for them. My suggestion was, not to remove the party style events because that’s not viable, but to perhaps have a dinner style evening instead one night. Something that removes the primary focus of partying and allows people to talk and network in a relaxed setting. I wasn’t the only one on board with this, in fact a lot of the people there agreed that the idea of having at least one dry evening event would be beneficial to all. If that opinion is echoed in a full group of various sex workers, web designers, creators and business people then I hope that we can start to see a new variety of events start to appear in the industry.
The next topic was to do with confidence and the feeling of “belonging” at an event. Now I do want to preface this a little by encouraging readers (and myself) to remember that the Xbiz Awards is for mainstream porn. It isn’t speciality, fetish or kink and it certainly doesn’t cover the whole adult industry. That doesn’t mean that people outside of mainstream aren’t welcome! Far from it in fact, but it does mean that if you don’t necessarily fit into that mould it can make you feel like you stand out. I’d felt that way myself the whole previous day. I felt like I wasn’t well known enough, pretty enough, skinny enough or valuable enough in the industry to be there, and I definitely felt like I was outside of mainstream standards. It was a constant battle to remind myself that a great deal of that was in my own head and not by any means the impression others had of me. Hearing others in the group who consider themselves curvy or plus-size performers talking about feeling under represented at the conference, and certainly in the awards, was eye opening. I hadn’t considered the fact that I had only met or seen a slack handful of plus-sized performers the whole conference until it was brought to my attention. The same can be said for transgender and non-binary performers. Again, XBiz is about the mainstream, but it could probably do with a touch more diversity in it’s awards.
Then we discussed the apparent gap between the indie creators and the established creators. Now a lot of that is very much inside our own heads. If you want to network, you have to actually speak to people, and I can’t be annoyed by people choosing to spend time with their established friends and socialise less with new comers. I spent most of my time with the three friends I had arrived with, so I knew logically that it was less clique behaviour and more familiarity. So how do we tackle that? I know that I was less than confident to approach people I admired the previous day, so how do we get ahead? The meet and greet event on the first day wasn’t the best for that and nether was the networking event because a lot of the established creators didn’t attend, so where is the answer? Well for one, us newbies in the industry need to be braver (an attitude I took into the afternoon and made some cracking connections) and actually approach the people we admire. They don’t bite! But other than just going for it on a personal level, how do bigger events help bridge that gap? Would a more active meet and greet with activities involved work? Honestly, I don’t really have an answer to this question, because it’s genuinely a hard one. One thing I will say though was that it was wonderful to be able to talk about these things at the conference in an open dialogue with other creators. I can’t praise Mitch and Sean more for allowing a space for people in all walks of the industry to actually talk openly about how we would like to see these events run, and how we would like to see the industry change and develop. I felt very heard and validated by that workshop and it set me up for a much more confident day than the one before.
After that amazing workshop we decided to split up again. I went off on my own for a little while and bumped into a lovely lady I had met at speed networking. The main reason she stopped me to talk was that she realised that she had recognised me from my original kink education tiktoks and my blog, and that she already followed me on my twitter before meeting me the day before. That was a huge shock and compliment! I had felt a little invisible, but being told that someone there not only knew my work but liked it was a huge boost! The fact that I was more well known before TikTok kicked my original account to the curb is frustrating, but it’s definitely nice to know it had an impact. It pushed me to talk to more people and got me some amazing connections! I caught up with Mitch again in the lobby, and I made sure to thank him for such an amazing workshop in the morning. We chatted for a little while, exchanged details and I got a big hug (he gives great hugs!) before I headed out for a breath of fresh air. To my great delight I met someone else from Scotland and we got to have a really good chat! He worked in the IT side of the industry, but given that I thought only Kai, Lana Wolf and I were the only ones there from Scotland, it was nice to be proved wrong. We also exchanged details, before I headed back in to meet up with Kai and Raven. River had scooted off to another workshop, so the three of us decided to have a wander around the booth area again.
Unlike the day before the booth area was quiet enough to actually move around in and I decided to use my new-found confidence to say hello to a few people I admired and chat with people working the booths. Imagine my surprise when I was recognised not just once more, but another twice! Once by someone I admire hugely! The very sexy and utter darling that is Mr Britain knew me from my twitter and our interactions there. I never would have expected him to recognise me in any way at all, so that was such a happy surprise! We had a great chat about the current project he is working on, my own blog and career goals, as well as how much I admire the work he is doing to build a community for sex workers in the UK (something I personally feel can be lacking). I am so happy I chose to approach him to say hi. It reminded me of all reasons I came to the conference in the first place and the validity of my own space there. I may still be building my own brand in this wild industry, but it is building, and it’s certainly not unknown.
After that awesome little interaction, I took some time to have a blether with the people working the Pornhub booth. I’ve had a Pornhub account for a while, and been verified for a while, but it was great to get some advice from people who actually work for the company. We know Pornhub has it’s issues, but I tend to use it for advertising, teasers or older videos predominantly because I’m a big believer in paying for your porn. Regardless of that, getting some tips and tricks on how to build my profile subscribers (already over 1k strong) was invaluable. It was great to have someone look over my account as well and show me exactly where I can improve. Exact, personal feedback! I live for that shit! It gives me goals and things I can hit. So once I’m feeling back to myself again I will be attempting to drop a new video on their once a week, including my Boobs Out Book Club videos, which I want to be free for everyone to view anyway.
On the way out to grab some lunch, I went to the bathroom and bumped into a lovely lady, who was the third person that day to recognise me! She knew me immediately and was so complimentary because apparently she reads my blog! We didn’t have much time to talk because she had places to be and I had Kai, River and Raven waiting for me, so I didn’t catch her name. So if you’re seeing this one you lovely human I hope you enjoy my little mention of you and how much it meant to me that you took the time while washing your hands in the bathroom to say hi and tell me that you like my writing and modelling. It meant a lot.
We decided that grabbing a little something from the corner shop was the best option for food. I was still too hot and icky feelings to really stomach much so I found this horrible protein yogurt thing that ended up tasting horrible, but I finished out of sheer stubbornness. This whole “making sure I eat” thing is a lot harder than it looks, but I’m making the effort. Besides, if I hadn’t eaten at least something Kai might have made me sleep on the floor!
Now it’s time for the afternoon workshops. I broke off from Kai, River and Raven and decided to go to the “Going Pro” workshop. The main reason I wanted to check out this workshop was because it was full of strong women in the industry, with years and years of experience between them and because I have considered getting into the pro side of the industry. I want to make a slight point about the definition of the word “Pro” here. In these terms when I use (and when the experts in the field) use the term Pro they mean working for production companies. Pro doesn’t belittle indy or self employed creators, its specifically designed to differentiate between working for companies and working solo.
So the first section of the panel covered how to get into the industry while maintaining your boundaries. Again, similar to other workshops, everyone stressed that it’s about your comfort. I was happy to hear that most of the big name studios that most of these performers work with actually include a consistently updated “limits list” for performers that covers there hard no’s, soft limits as well as likes and specialities. That’s an amazing thing to find out! It gave me a lot of faith in the changes I want to see in this industry. You aren’t selling your consent.
Then the panel discussed the need to be professional in a professional environment. We can all imagine, if we have not met, a diva in the industry. You know the sort I’m talking about. Someone who would be two hours late to a collaboration because they simply “can’t” start their day without a manicure and a trip to Starbucks. That attitude is shitty, and even more so if you are slowing up a whole production for the sake of your own ego. If you are doing pro work, then act humbly, be punctual and respect the time of the people you are working with. At the end of the day, you are a product and so is the production. Respect it. Besides, you want to cultivate a good reputation for yourself as someone who is a professional if you want to build a career as a Pro model.
We also covered agencies and why they can be so useful. An agent can advocate for you when you can’t or feel you are trapped in a situation. The panel told a few horror stories about times they had need to contact their agent to remove them from scenes, or rearrange their scene for various reasons. Having someone you can call, that you know will 100% have your back makes a huge difference to your feeling of being safe, and as we all know, our safety is paramount. An agent can also inform productions if there are performers you would prefer not to work with, for whatever reason, and save you from feeling like you have no choice in that regard. Professional production level porn doesn’t really have any representation in the UK. Big companies work out of Europe, and UK models are flown over for shoots by the companies/agencies. Because of this, if it’s something you are looking to do, you have to be prepped for a lot of travel. This is another reason to have an agent in the UK because it makes the aspect of travelling, the paperwork and everything else involved with it easier. One of the agencies recommended was Nikki’s Model’s, who represented a couple of members of the panel. In terms of warning signs though, smaller agencies are more likely to have issues, and if an agency tries to lower your rates or pushes your boundaries the best practise is to leave immediately. You don’t need those red flags in your life!
Going into Pro work can also be an excellent way of building your brand, expanding your audience and can compliment your independent work. Think about it: if someone sees a clip of you in a professional production, then looks you up, they’ll find your socials and your independent work. Basically you get paid for the professional content, and you still benefit from that afterwards. You can become a big name on your own, in your own right, but Pro work can give you that step up and take you to the next level in all aspects of your job. It’s also important to remember that every production is different, as is every director. Do your research and find out the style of the directors, for no other reason than you want to have as much knowledge as possible to be as prepared as possible.
Speaking of preparation, that was the topic of the next set of questions! How to prepare for a professional photoshoot. Every single member of the panel made a point of saying that you will be anxious. Especially on your first shoot. You will be nervous and you will make mistakes. That’s ok, it’s expected. The director and co-stars will know and are there to support you. Key points from everyone leaned on basic self-care. Eating well, sleeping properly and prioritising your own wellbeing before and after a shoot really helps keep you balanced and will lead to you doing a better job on the day. Knowing your boundaries and feeling confident enough to voice them is also very important. Be totally honest on your limits. Don’t push yourself to do things you aren’t sure of just to seem like the edgiest star in the room. Everyone has limits and that is perfectly ok and normal. Besides, if you don’t like what you are doing you’ll be making your job all the harder! It’s hard to fake enjoying getting fisted if you hate getting fisted. The best bit of advice I heard was to ask all of the stupid questions. If you don’t know something, ask. If you aren’t sure about anything, ask for clarification. Basically it’s always better to voice it then to remain ignorant and you won’t look stupid for asking.
After that panel finished, I decided to stay for the last panel of the day which was “Content Creation With US Stars”. Kai and Raven came to join me, and I scootched up to make space for them. To say I was a little starstruck would be an understatement. There were several stars from the USA there that I had followed for a while, but I think getting to see Kazumi talking about her experience was probably my favourite. She’s mental in the best way possible and her career has went from zero to WOW in just over a year! You can’t help but admire someone who is so openly and passionately themselves, while also not being afraid of laughing at themselves. I love her content.
Ok, fangirling aside, this was a damn good panel and a great way of wrapping up the conference. Firstly they discussed the crack down on sex workers coming over from other countries to film in the United States. Basically, if you are going to do ANY filming in the US while you are visiting then you need to get a work visa. There was a big drama about that early last year, and things have become a lot tighter in that regard over the last few years. So just keep yourself right and make sure you’re ticking all of the boxes before you travel!
After that we got into the part of the panel I was most looking forward to: social media! The overarching opinion was that safe for work (ish) social media should be more than 50% of the job, and keeping on top of that is vital to building your brand. Although I already knew that in theory, hearing it stated so strongly by people who are so well known in the industry definitely affirmed it for me. Make the silly meme of yourself being a dumbass, do the daft titktok dance, create the thirst traps that make you happy and show the world who you are as a person. You need to be more than sexy to do well in this new adult industry, you have to be a fully realised human being (shock horror I know!) with many facets to your personality. That doesn’t mean you don’t do your research for your content though! Doing things you authentically enjoy will always help, but it’s not a bad idea to check what things are trending and build around those for max audience reach. Be consistent when you post and watermark EVERYTHING! Make yourself as visible as possible in your niche and be proud of the space you create! I’m not going to lie here, I know my own social media has been virtually non-existent the last 6 months or so (since before my last blogpost), so writing about this part of the conference is giving me the personal butt kicking I need to start moving forward again in terms of that. Finding joy in how you present yourself and being yourself can be so empowering if you do it the right way. So I think this particular lesson is a good reminder for me right now, as I (very fucking slowly) start to rebuild what has been on standby for a long time… including actually finishing blog posts I started in September!
Then the panel started talking about equipment and things you need to make content. It honestly made me feel much better about my own content when most of the panel said that when they weren’t working with a videographer they just filmed in cinematic mode on their iPhone! So there you go, using your phone for content is perfectly fine if you can’t stretch for a high spec camera. Lighting is pretty important, but ring lights aren’t all that expensive, and they are easy to carry in a suitcase. In terms of locations, if you can travel or hire out a space occasionally then do! A change of scenery adds variety to your content, and can give you a little boost of inspiration if you’re feeling stuck. It also means you don’t have to necessarily create a specific area in your home for content creation… although I would recommend that too! Outdoor work can be fun, but remember that OnlyFans does not allow sexually explicit outdoor content it on their platform anymore, so it has to be used in other places (Fansly, PH etc). Most importantly is to remember if you’re collaborating is to bring relevant model release forms and photo ID!
Finally, everyone on the panel stressed the need to treat yourself like a business. At the end of the day, just because our work is of the spicy variety does not mean it is any less of a business. Make the spreadsheets, get an accountant and get organised. Work the amount that is comfortable to you, with an actual business plan in mind for growth and development. No one does well in the industry by making one video of their bits jiggling when they bounce. It takes work, and if you treat it like work you’ll see the rewards.
With that the conference and workshops of XBiz Amsterdam were over! We had a few hours to get ready for the Xbiz Awards that night and to get some dinner, so we headed back to the hotel in high spirits for the evening ahead. The actual awards deserve a blogpost all their own, so stay tuned for that. Thank you to everyone for their patience during my hiatus and a special thank you to the people who have sent a kind message or well wishes. I’m coming back very slowly, but it will be baby steps until I’m back to the level I want to be. So please know how much I appreciate every single person who follows me and I wish the best for all of you.
Love and nuzzles,
Kitty xxx